Splish Splash

What a great party!!! We rented out the city pool and had our friends and our friends little girl's friends to it. I think we had around 90 people or so there. I thought we could be there at 6:00 but couldn't start swimming until 6:30p.m. That was my fault... but other than that we had a blast.
Had Pizza, pop, cup cakes, cookies... My cousin and most of her kids came... which made me very happy. Dawn turned 40. :) I was so excited they got to come! I don't get to see her nearly enough
My Aunt Teena, my dad and his girlfriend all came also! Bill my friend that is a profession photographer came out and took pictures of everything for me. WOW!
The party went very good... lots of kids had a blast! The pool was cool but not freezing... the weather was wonderful!!!
I'm soo happy... I'll have to post pics of the party when I get them!

Thank you everyone!!!

Wow... things go fast here. May is a busy month. Specially this May. I have to write about my Nate. Nate turned 8 and he is great!

His birthday was Sunday the 24th. After church he wanted to go to Chili's to eat. They love the cheese dip. Then we went to the movies. We saw Night at the Museum. It was very good. After that we put up the pool. Brrrr it was cold.

My brother came down to see us on the 23rd. Him and his lovely wife and two adorable daughters. Grace who turned 8 on the 28th. and Lily who is 4. So we all ate at Incredible Pizza. Wow is that place always so busy!!!

Today is the big birthday party. I am going to be running around until the party starts tonight... then May will be over with. and by the way my dad is coming with his girlfriend... he didn't go to Peru!!!! YES!!!! My brother took his passport away though just in case!

Hope everyone out there has a great weekend... if you don't have anything to do stop by the party tonight!

One of those days

Well I've talked a little about depression.... now somehow I thought we were maybe getting a handle on it. At least we have a doctor that knows when I show up at the appointment is bad. I'm not sure she knows how bad it is... but she knows we need major help.

Then BOOM we get a letter in the mail saying that our insurance isn't going to keep her on their HMO. Now flashbacks are going through my head of how horrible it has been. I'm scared actually. Worst of all I don't think I can show it.

I didn't think he would stay in treatment as long as he did... and now I'm not sure he is going to actually find a new doctor for this. He primary care physician (I want to drop kick him to Peru) says I really don't see how he is depressed. He says I've seen much worse people. I really hate his primary care physician! I asked didn't my husband want to change primary physicians, but he doesn't.

Will my husband go to a new doctor? Will he try to get his primary physician just to treat him? What will he do? I don't think I can handle someone tinkering with his meds again... I know what he is taking isn't the best... but when not on the right combination or when he decides he doesn't need them at all...

I know it has been over a year now... but last time he was off of them. He got angry... so angry... it built up his anger. You could tell everything was bothering him. One day he went past the tv... the boys games were out. He screamed at them... then he hopped... ran over to the chair where our youngest was... and with the full stream of running slapped his head.

We have gone through all the bad times... when it is it time for good times? He went through periods where he would growl at us... one time he was so mad at me.. he jumped up and down in his underwear and spit at me... the I'm going to kill myself ... to I'm going to kill you first then kill myself. I'm not sure if I can go through another period of time like that. Maybe I'm blowing it all out of portion.

The whole time we go through this... I wonder am I one of those mothers that you see on tv in the orange jump suits that is saying it's all her husband or boyfriends fault the kids were mentally abused. When is it my fault?

I have a degree... I have a good job... I never thought of myself as someone that is helpless... yet I feel helpless. and it might sound silly for a 41 year old mother of two to do... but I WANT MY MOMMY!

Graduation and Birthday

Yesterday was a big day!!! Daniel graduated from Kindergarten and it was his birthday. I wanted it to be a big special day for him so I took the day off of work. (Ok! Ok! those that know me any day I can make an excuse to take off of work!) :)



It was a busy busy day. For those that do not know me... I'm not the most organized around... so in the morning after taking the boys to work... I ran to the bank... then to the store to buy birthday gifts... then to the pizza place to get the pizza... and whew barely in time to deliver it to the school for a pizza party lunch!



It was a big hit!



Then after lunch I dropped off balloons tied to a graduation sign dog to the restaurant we were going to that night. So it would be a surprise.

When we got to the restaurant... Daniel was totally surprised by the balloons and graduation dog... he whispered how did they know? did we say it too loud? I was very tickled. My dad and Ms Peggy were there too!

Graduation went very well also... he got the most improved award along with Joelle, A reader award and a science award! I am beaming I'm so proud!

Lions and Tigers and Bears... OH MY!

I love the zoo! Last year Nathan was in T1 so I went with the first grade that year. This year he is in 1st. I went again to the zoo! If you are ever in Oklahoma City, please visit the zoo. You will love it.

This year the teacher wanted us all to stay together as a class. We went through the Oklahoma area first. I love that area! I know it might sound weird, but I like going through the barn with the night critters. You walk into the barn, and it starts to get dark. You walk around the corner and you can see the bats flying. The kids love it! Who am I kidding? I love it! I also love to see the bears... I remember when they were just cubs.

We went on to the Lions. Oh they are beautiful! The male sitting on top of the hill so proud. On to the Gorillas, who are always entertaining. I love the Orangutan. Such facial expressions and the kids giggling.

We visited the dinosaur exhibit... which is huge, but really I like the animals much better. On through the cat forest. Up to the aquatics. Then on to the park.

What a wonderful day!

Proud MOM

I have the best boys in the whole wide world!!! Friday I took off of work. Went to a field trip to the bowling alley with the kindergarden. Bowling just isn't my favorite, but spending time with my children is. So I would go anytime they asked me.

That afternoon went to a mothers day tea at Nathan's 1st grade. The teacher told me that she hoped to get Daniel when he goes to first grade because Nathan is so sweet and wonderful. Isn't that something that would make me beam?

Nathan drew the best picture of me!!! :)

I do have to tell a story of Daniel. He was asked what his middle name was... (which it is Cole) and he told the teach Cool. She asked like your cool? He said yup that is what my mom yells when she is angry... DANIEL COOL M....... lol

*sigh* I love my kids!

Happy Mothers Day everyone!!!

Being driven a short distance....

Let us see.... how do we start this one? My dad is in his 70s. Somehow got the bright idea that it would be good to go to a foreign country and marry a 32 year old! OH MY!

He doesn't tell me or my brother that he has a passport and tickets to go on the 29th of May, but he does tell my husband. Makes him promise not to tell me. Do you know how much trouble my husband would be in if he didn't tell me that? Do you not think I wouldn't go to the lawyer right then and there and divorce him? Because I would!

If they don't remember, I am the one that when a boyfriend showed up without a job or anything way back when... took him to the bus station and bought him a one way ticket to Texas!

It is so horrible to be lonely. I know how much my dad misses my mom. I want him out here with us. Not in the same house but next door. I want him to share meals with us... etc. My children are starving for grandparent attention. I know our attention isn't the same as a partner a mate, but I don't understand why he has to go to such an extreme. Why does he fool himself into thinking a 32 year old will have the same hopes dreams and longings as someone in their 70s? It's a lovely fantasy... but not reality.

You can be lonely even when you are married. You can be lonely even if you are in a middle of a crowd and busier than all get out. How can you stop that empty horrible feeling? That ache inside that you are missing?

I love my father so much. I wish I could help him.... I was horrible to him... I cursed and told him I would never see him again if he did such a thing. I didn't say it in a nice way at all. I tattled on him to my brother, who I believe did about the same talk to him I did. Dad says he will not do it because we feel so strongly about it.

He will tease me about it though. He has gotten the advise of his friend, who told him in a nicer way the same thing I did. Let us see if he tells the people that were going with him. If he tells that girl that is waiting for him... who is waiting to come to the USA.

Until then I feel I'm on a short drive... to being crazy. Help me communicate to my father in a good way instead of the mean way I have. I need strength, kindness, and sometimes I need to be a little touched... Thank you for all my friends around that I have been able to vent to.... and on here being able to vent. :)